Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Gone Forever...Today its the 6th day of her departure..i tot i could handle it well but actually not..all this while from the time she told me that she has cancer i still could not accept it..i kept thinking that it was all a bad dream that i have yet to be woken up from...all this time i've been avoiding this topic..many people asked me " why aren't I'm going home" and there i will be just returning a smile back at them...i'm crying not because i've lost her...but its because i'll start to miss her...i'm left hanging here not knowing what's gonna happen to me in the future without her..i'm so not use to not having her around...many words cannot express my feelings now..its like every single thing that i'm reminded of her would make me tear...even for seeing her pictures or goin home..i miss the car rides aft school for lunch, the running of errands together, the quarrelsi know its the right choice for her to go..but i really couldn't bare to see her go...i'm still not able to accept the fact that she's gone and gone forever...and she's not sleeping underground...i could remember vividly the time when i rushed to the hospital and held her hands tightly before she goes off and the time when she went for her burial...i really wish hard to wake up from this slumber..i want all this to be a bad dream...i want her back and healthy again!!i'm glad that i have holidays during the time she was hospitalised...its was tiring but it was worth it...i get to see her smile for one day...that was really worth it..but i really enjoyed the 2 weeks i spent everyday with you..i'm trying my best to face the truth bravely but i can't...i'm smiling infront of everyone so as to not let them worry about me..but deep inside i'm weeping like mad..i really do not know what i want..how i wish i could just shut my ears up from him...how can someone just be so insensative...someone here is trying to bravely face up to reality..but there u are raking up the stupid past including the hospital..and the wake...i really do not know what to do..i do not even know if i will be able to walk out of this dark tunnel ever..still suspectingPeople i need to thank:~ Daddy's side of the family~ Mummy's side of the family~ BJ-MCEYAY~ LAOPO NIC~ Jazreel~ Kor Kor's Friends~ Wan Lin and company~ Mummy's friend~ Pastor Dorothy and her hubby, and the other pastor~ The casket person incharge~ Teachers of smss~ Ms Goh~ Gladys, Glen, Val, Egg, Vince~ The list goes on..i'll add them in when i can rmbr
